Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Three Potential Solutions:  Breaking it off, Cutting Communications Temporarily, or Fix It On the Fly

Option 1- Break it off?

Cutting contact with the other woman is the ideal potential solution.  A split should be seriously considered. Like diving into a cold swimming pool, or suddenly ripping off the bandage, there is great relief available to those with the decisiveness to end the relationship completely. Continue reading ‘OPTIONS: Break It Off or Stay In It? (Emotional Dependency Series, Part 7)’ »

Improve Your Relationships through Great Small Talk

Small talk is a big deal.  It’s how we turn strangers into acquaintances and turn acquaintances into friends.  It’s how we make others comfortable with us.  It’s how we sift out the unsafe people that we meet.

Women who gravitate toward same-sex attractions have troubles connecting on a small talk level; especially with other women.  I believe there are two basic reasons for this. The first is because we entertain a belief that we are too different and that the interests of other women won’t overlap ours. The second reason is that we tend to have personalities that lean towards emotionally charged conversation rather than what we would label, “superficial.” Small talk seems boring and shallow.  It is a necessary skill, however.  This article will help explain why it is important, and how to have enjoyable small talk, even with women.

I was a hairdresser for 25 years, so believe me when I say, “I know how to small talk.”  To hear the way some of us chatted up our clients you would think that the conversation was the service they were paying for, instead of the hairstyle. Why did we do it?  We did it for the same reason everyone else does:  To enjoy someone’s company, to pass the time, and to get to know one another. Continue reading ‘SMALL TALK: WHY IT IS A GOOD THING AND HOW TO DO IT WELL’ »

This the first post is a series of articles for women who are too close.  We will be looking at the causes of emotional dependency, the hazards, and the alternatives.

What IS Emotional Dependency?

Continue reading ‘A LITTLE TOO CLOSE (Introduction to the Emotional Dependency Series)’ »

Emotional dependence is not a fun place to be most of the time.

It’s like a drug habit:  The addict spends only a fraction of his time high.  Most of the hours that he spends on his habit are wrapped up acquiring money, avoiding discovery, and wishing he were high.

Similarly, the undeniably pleasurable times spent with our delightful female friend are outweighed by hours of missing her, feeling guilty, dealing with conflict, worrying about offend her, or planning future conversations with her. Continue reading ‘WHY BOTHER OVERCOMING? (Emotional Dependency Series, Part 2)’ »

Are you worried about a relationship you are in? The presence of more than one or two of these conditions compels us to re-evaluate our relationship.  If there are more than four, definite action needs to be taken.

Are These Relationships All Bad?

The women that we let into our hearts are wonderful people!  Just because a relationship is emotionally dependent, doesn’t negate the fact that it meets legitimate needs!  Life is unbearable without connection. For many women, an emotionally dependent relationship is the only thing standing between her and complete despair.

Just like an empty belly, an empty heart will find a way to be filled.  An emotionally dependent relationship could be compared to Continue reading ‘IN DEFENSE OF EMOTIONALLY DEPENDANT RELATIONSHIPS (Emotional Dependency Series, Part 4)’ »

Why Do We Get Into These Relationships?

Exactly where does this gigantic hole in my heart come from?  What created it?  Why does it keep sucking me in?

It is my hope that if you have some idea why you have a propensity towards dependent relationships, you will have some grace on yourself.  Just because you have found yourself enmeshed with another woman doesn’t mean you need to label yourself beyond hope or, “born gay.”

Secondarily, identifying the roots of emotional dependency will help you understand why this is not something that can be solved overnight.  A seed can’t be, “cured” of it’s diminutive size. You won’t have someone cast a demon out of you and find yourself free forever more. The dependency habit won’t go away just because you met the, “right person.” You won’t say just say a special prayer and be emotionally healthy. If that were possible, we could pray for such things as an instant college diploma or a sudden healing to the extra 30 pounds we have put on since high school. We are people in process, and there is a beginning, middle and END. Continue reading ‘WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME? (Emotional Dependency Series, Part 5)’ »

It’s important to see the relationship between Pain and Temptation. The Cycle of Temptation can either be a downward spiral of defeat or an upward trend of victory.  When we understand the full cycle of temptation, we can dislodge our short-term thinking and focus on the big picture.

The first stage of the cycle starts with some kind of hurt in our life.  Maybe it’s a loss of an important person, or physical pain of some kind.  Maybe it’s the ache and vacancy that deprivation leaves when a basic need goes unmet for too long.

This is when Temptation has its greatest opportunity.  It enters, offering us the relief and comfort that have eluded us for so long.

Pain and Temptation create in us a new supercharged flow of Creativity and Resourcefulness.  We don’t always have access to this reservoir of inspiration that pain causes to well up within us.  Creativity can take us in one of two directions.

This episode of Creativity can help us generate some really clever excuses. It can find fresh, new outlets for us to use to indulge our desires. It can teach us how to be wily and not get caught.

The Justification process tells us that we Deserve to feel better because we have suffered so much.  We are desperate to find a way to save ourselves and not be overwhelmed by the pain.  Surely God will understand.

We can also harness this short-lived period of creativity to find healthy forms of relief and comfort to help us through our pain.  We are motivated to find solutions.  If there are no solutions, we find other helpful coping systems.

Continue reading ‘THE CYCLE OF TEMPTATION’ »

“You need to get yourself some boundaries, Girl!”

When I first heard these words, I realized that I had been on a self-defeating path for as long as I could remember.   I took some time the next day and drew diagrams to analyze where my interpersonal relationships had gone wrong.  It became abundantly clear to me that I had let certain people deep into my soul who had no business being there.  No wonder I had been so miserable!

Click MORE to see diagrams that might represent YOUR interpersonal relationships:


Get it from the Source:  What’s Your Worth?

     I memorized most of these verses when I was in high school, after discovering their meaning at a seminar on self-esteem. They have changed my view of myself, of God and of everyone I’ve ever met.   God has the final word on our intrinsic worth and He has assigned great value to us.  Print a few off and put them on your mirror!

God chose me for His special and unique purpose.

John 15:16  You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit— fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

Continue reading ‘HOW GOD VIEWS ME- A Collection of Scriptures on Self-Image’ »