“You need to get yourself some boundaries, Girl!”

When I first heard these words, I realized that I had been on a self-defeating path for as long as I could remember.   I took some time the next day and drew diagrams to analyze where my interpersonal relationships had gone wrong.  It became abundantly clear to me that I had let certain people deep into my soul who had no business being there.  No wonder I had been so miserable!

Click MORE to see diagrams that might represent YOUR interpersonal relationships:

Diagram 1: This represents the example Jesus gave us of healthy interpersonal relationships.  He allowed some people to be very close to Him.  Others were somewhat close.  Many others were kept within the circle, but distantly.


Diagram 2: This represents an ideal system of boundaries.  Christ is at the center of our hearts. Each one of these white fences represents a barricade that we put up to manage our time, ours hearts, our lives. A few people are admitted to be very close.  They have proven themselves to be safe and to be good influences.  Other people must be kept nearby, but not as close as those few trusted souls. Finally, we need a good collection of people who are interesting and caring… but we don’t give them quite so much access to our hearts.


Diagram 3:  This is a representation of an emotional dependency.  Instead of God being at the center, and a diversified group of others at various stages of proximity, we have just one person at the center of all of our social needs.  This is why it feels so awful and so wonderful!  That person is our every thing.  But if they leave, we will have nothing!