This the first post is a series of articles for women who are too close.  We will be looking at the causes of emotional dependency, the hazards, and the alternatives.

What IS Emotional Dependency?

Emotional dependency is when another person becomes vital to our sense of well-being.  It is different from co-dependency, which is usually revolves around someone else’s addiction or illness.  Rather, emotional dependency is when my life revolves around the other person.  Janelle Hallman defines it in this way: “Emotional Dependency is when a woman posits her identity and well-being in another woman. So she says, unconsciously, ‘My well-being depends on my connection with you. If our connection or relationship is constant, warm, secure and loving, I feel OK. If the connection is threatened in any way, I am in crisis. I am not OK.’”  For this reason, emotionally dependent relationships are not peaceful.  They are troublesome for too much of the time.

We will be addressing role the role of emotional dependency between females, in both non-lesbian and lesbian relationships.  This is not to say that emotional dependency never happens in other types of relationships. Emotional dependency is a more common pitfall in female-to-female relationships.  It takes on a lesser role in opposite-sex relationships.  Why is this true? Male and female relationships have an element of what Andrew Comisky calls a, “holy tension.”  Male and female are different enough from one another that although they may start out enmeshed, reality eventually kicks in and the two start differentiating themselves again.

Does This Mean I’m Gay?

If you are in an emotionally dependent relationship with a member of your own sex, it does not mean that you are gay.  Sexual involvement is only one of many possible outcomes.

That said, emotional dependency is to lesbian relationships what gas is to a car.  If a woman wishes to overcome lesbianism, she must understand and overcome emotional dependency.