Emotional dependence is not a fun place to be most of the time.

It’s like a drug habit:  The addict spends only a fraction of his time high.  Most of the hours that he spends on his habit are wrapped up acquiring money, avoiding discovery, and wishing he were high.

Similarly, the undeniably pleasurable times spent with our delightful female friend are outweighed by hours of missing her, feeling guilty, dealing with conflict, worrying about offend her, or planning future conversations with her.

In contrast, a healthy relationship feels a little uneventful and bland at first. It’s much like the drug addict who must re-acquire a taste for simple pleasures.  He may overlook the joy of a fresh breeze or a child’s laughter, because he is accustomed to the intensity of a drug-induced high.  We only feel numb until we become at home in our new peace of mind.  Then, we feel good, because we know that our sufficiency does not come from just one solitary source.

Hazards of Emotional Dependency:

A brief list includes these items:

  • Emotional dependencies have negative impacts on our lives.  Because of their consuming nature, they can be obstacles in our relationship with the Lord, because we turn to our friend in such an idolatrous fashion.
  • Emotionally dependent relationships have a tumultuous nature.  The expectations we place on each other are enormous, and the break-up percentage is high.  After a few years, we have left a trail of broken hearts behind us.  If children are in the picture, it’s hard on them to have people they have learned to love ripped out of their lives over and over.
  • If sexual intimacy is involved, we can find ourselves hiding from God because of guilt.  Or we may find ourselves on the opposite extreme of justifying ourselves before God and thus undermining His Word in our lives.
  • The exclusivity of a dependency can shut out relationships with other women.  We miss out on them, and they miss out on us.
  • The likelihood of a romantic relationship with a man becomes quite slim.  Our hearts are just not available.
  • To allow a dependent relationship is not doing our beloved friend any favors.  She needs to experience freedom.  If we feed into her propensity for these kinds of relationships, we are enabling her to continue her own self-defeating behaviors.
  • The Biggest Motivator: The weightiest reason I can think of to refuse to indulge in any more dependent relationships is because it doesn’t glorify God.  He wants to be our all-in-all and He wants to be our sufficiency. “Psalm. 118:8 It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.” …or in this case…. “to trust in a woman.”