But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. Heb 3:13

An accountability partnership is a group of two or more people who commit to support and encourage one another in the process of overcoming their shortcomings.  It has proven to be an effective tool in both secular and Christian circles. They reveal their weaknesses, temptations, sins and subsequent progress to one another on a regular basis.

What is it like to be in an accountability relationship?  Is it embarrassing?  Is it like the first time we had to change into gym clothes in the locker room?   Is it like when our little brother found our diary and read it to his friends?

Accountability isn’t like any of those things.

Accountability is more like cleaning out the closet and then putting all the junk on the curb.  Yes, some people may see the ridiculous things that we allowed in our house.  But at least they know we don’t plan to keep that trash around any longer! What a relief!

Continue reading ‘ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNERSHIPS -Staying in the Light (part 1)’ »

“I don’t personally know anyone who has been in an accountability group. How do you do it?”

Let’s look at some options, use some creativity, and find a style that works.  There is no one style that works for everyone.  We will explore 7 different formats, along with their strengths and weaknesses.

Continue reading ‘ACCOUNTABILITY STYLES- Staying in the Light (part 2)’ »

Those of us who choose to pursue healing for homosexuality build a foundation on truths like these:

We did not choose to feel this way. Homosexual desires came to us unbidden and unwelcome. We believe that homosexuality is a complex condition that begins developing at a very early age. Therefore, men and women with homosexual feelings should never be treated with contempt or ostracized because of their homosexuality. We DO, however, choose how we will behave.
It doesn’t always feel like we have much of a choice. No one determines our behavior but ourselves.

People aren’t born gay. There are some personality traits that are more typical to those who discover that they are attracted to the same sex. But those traits were given to us by God, and originally intended to be a blessing. Inborn characteristics and interests can interact with a person’s experiences, perceptions and relationships. This is the crucible where homosexual tendencies often form.

Change is possible. Many, many people have left homosexuality.


It’s Blessings, Its Pitfalls, and
How it Can Protect Us from Manipulators


Ro 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”


“Let what happens to other people matter to you.”

People who are coming out of homosexuality need healthy, vital interpersonal connectedness in order to live a life that feels gratifying.  That connectedness is impossible without empathy.  Conversely, many people with homosexual tendencies are tempted to become too empathetic, and thus lose themselves in another person.  In this article, we will how to make the best use of empathy, without having it used against us. Continue reading ‘EMPATHY’ »

There is a kind of touch that is good for us.  How do we get more of the good kind and keep ourselves safe from the dangerous kind?

This subject is such a powder keg.  If we are too touchy, then we risk being offensive or we risk the opposite extreme of being enticing.  We might find ourselves stirring up unmanageable feelings within ourselves or others. But we allow ourselves to be too touch-starved, then we create a dam of loneliness and isolation that can collapse our resolve to stay pure.

Continue reading ‘TOUCH’ »

God gave us the powerful desire to connect with someone emotionally and physically.  It’s easy to feel like He is unfairly depriving us when He tells us to wait.  Why would He give us such strong feelings about these things and then not provide an outlet?  Will I ever feel okay?  It’s taking too long!

Continue reading ‘NO SHORTCUTS TO INTIMACY’ »

We didn’t choose to feel this way. We don’t want to feel this way. These desires have come unbidden and unwelcome. But now we feel that God is asking us what we intend to do with these feelings. We have been raised to believe that heterosexuality is God’s intended design for us, and that there must be celibacy before marriage, and monogamy after marriage. This moral code has proved to be quite a challenge.

The gay community is telling us, “Get out of denial and embrace your true self.”  They tell us, “God has made us this way.” But we can’t endure the thought that we were born gay by God’s own hand, only to hear Him command us to not to have gay relationships. We would say to them, “Please don’t encourage us betray our conscience. We have to right to determine our own course in life.”

Anger towards God can either be a horrendous obstacle in our relationship with our eternal Father, or a rocky pathway to deepening our faith in him.

The subject of anger at God is taboo at church, but it certainly comes up regularly in support groups.  It’s a real issue in many of our lives, even if we seem serene on the outline.  Let’s crack open that dark place in our hearts and start finding some grace for ourselves.  Then let’s find a way to bring peace back into our lives.

We get mad at God.

A conversation that you intended to be a prayer to God ended up as a one-sided shouting match. Maybe one of these accusations spilled out of your mouth:

“I HATE the way you made me!”

“You could have stopped me from doing that, but you didn’t.”

“Even though you can heal me, I’m still suffering!”

“Don’t be so silent! Tell me what to do!”

“How can you say you love me when you let such a horrible thing happen to me?”


Continue reading ‘FORGIVING GOD’ »

This is an artistic illustration of an encouraging verse.  1 Corinthians 6:9-11 is a laundry list of sins, followed by the statement that these types of sinners won’t inherit the Kingdom of God.

Please don’t stop there, though!  Verse 11 is the most important one! It says, “Such WERE some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.”  We can pull those old labels off and live as saints; pure and holy.

1 Corinthians 6:9-11

If you notice that a particular friendship in your life has potential for straying, it is needs to be brought before God and put into His control.  This prayer documents a covenant between yourself and God, vowing that you will keep your friendship pure.

Write out your vow with your own hand.  Picture God’s heart as he has watched this precious child of His from eternity past, and then imagine His joy as this son or daughter was finally born.  Imagine how He has been drawing them to Himself throughout the course of their life.  Let His compassion for them fill your heart.

Add extra lines to your vow if you wish.  Solidify it by letting a prayer partner and add their signature as witness to your vow.

Prayer for Men:

You,  _____________,  are God’s very own son. He bought you with His own suffering, and reaches out to you every day.  He has a designed a unique place for you within His plan.

I will not draw you away from that path or put a hindrance in your way. Instead, I will do my part to build those ties between you and your Heavenly Father.

Because I love you, I will not go beyond the limits of friendship and brotherhood with you.

For I, ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­____________, fear God.

Prayer for Women:

You,  _____________, are God’s very own daughter. He bought you with His own suffering, and reaches out to you every day.  He has a designed a unique place for you within His plan.

I will not draw you away from that plan or put a hindrance in your way. Instead, I will do my part to build those ties between you and your Heavenly Father.

Because I love you, I will not go beyond the limits of friendship and sisterhood with you.

For I, ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­____________, fear God.